It's been a long time since I was here cuz school started and so instead of being online I'm just messing around.
But my goals brought me back. And the fact that I have no one to talk about this without calling me crazy. So, goals.
I wanted to lose like 10lbs before school – it was my starter goal, I was planning to lose 10 more after that. Anyways I failed. I didn't lose any lbs cause I seriously fucked up the last couple summer days. Attending parties a whole week before – and almost every day – before school made me very hungry. And very fat.
I did lose like 5 pounds during school (maybe it would be more but I have to eat at least a little when on campus, cuz how could I go to school all weak?). And then gained it back and now I'm just going circles.
I lose it during the week and then when I come home I just eat. And I really suck at eating, I never know when to stop. I'm either not eating or binging...I hate it. I hate this. Can't I just be happy? All the time I've wasted, I could've already reached my goal hudreds of times!
I ate today. A lot. I'm not sure how to feel rite now.
I'm just so scared. I realised – I don't wanna be fat in 2012. I don't wanna worry about the way this or that shirt fits me. I wanna go out with friends and feel great all the time, not worry about how fat do I look. I wanna finally be thinner than my bestfriend. I wanna succeed. I mean, how hard can it actually be?...
