Yes. Yes. Yes!
I binged like never before! Like I haven't eaten in years! I'm so ashamed of myself right now...
Yesterday shortly after my mom got home, she made lunch and I said I wasn't hungry. Which I wasn't and I didn't eat anything! But... a couple hours after that I had some cookies. And then I had pasta (-what my mom made for lunch) and then I had two and a half sandwiches (!!) and then I had a huge, ridiculous amount of ice-cream with oreos on it!! Thank god I stopped there. The nausea stopped me. I can't believe it. And I was doing so well! Those stupid cookies! If I hadn't started eating those none of this would have happened. I guess it was just that I tasted food, real food after a while and I just couldn't get enough.
I tried purging. Unfortunately I'm one of those people who just can't do it... But this time I tried like hell, I drank A LOT of water before and I was just so full that I succeeded. Though I'm not sure I got it all out, cause the 'being full feeling' hasn't completely gone away. Is it supposed to? Idk, this is my first time I actually got this much out of me.
It's not fun. Binging's not fun, purging's not fun. After binging I felt like I was gonna explode and I was so sick... and I felt sick even more after I drank all that water to make purging easier. While I was trying to purge I felt even worse. It was hard for me, but then when I did it I felt a little better. 'Cleaner', I guess. Although I would've been a lot more 'cleaner' if I continued fasting - even if it is fruit fasting. I was crying so hard. I just could not believe I just did that. I didn't weigh, I didn't look myself at the mirror. I just couldn't.
And what now? What do you do when you binge? When you FAIL? Do you continue counting the days and count this one as a bad one, or do you start over?
I'm gonna start over. I've got three more weeks and I'm gonna get the best outta them. At least now food disgusts me. And maybe I'll remember this feeling whenever I feel like binging... Maybe this turns out to be helpful. We've all gotta make mistakes, right?
Be strong everyone, we can do it. And we sure as hell will. <3
oh girl thank you for the comment. today is brand new and i am ready to stat over. thats the best thing about mondays! i always start over after a binge. and for the purging... you just get used to it i guess. it sucks and it is no fun but it becomes something you just have to do. i wish i didn't start with that. ana is much better :-)
OdgovoriIzbrišilove <3
I usually just start over after a binge. If you would feel better starting over, then start over. If you were to do something like the ABC diet or SGD, you might be better off to keep moving on because some girls make it like 5 days and then binge and start over and keep starting over and they keep feeling bad about it. Start over if you'll feel better. Put it in the past and learn from it and move on though. Don't let it bother you too much because it will only make things more difficult.
OdgovoriIzbrišihoney you have to be strong! purging is the worst! dont get used to it! I suffer of bulimia for years and its so bad for your body! try not to do it again. stay away from the cookies and stay strong. We al slipped once in a while. Dont be so hard on yourself. we are here for you.
OdgovoriIzbrišiSorry about your rough patch :( if I eat bad things I try to compensate with extra exercise. I found that my bad habit of purged f'd up my stomach big time:( I also try to think of it as starting over or else I panic and that makes everything worse. We've all slipped up. Just need to keep calmand carry on as we were before the binge.
OdgovoriIzbriši